just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
