People in love make me want to vomit
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
