Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
