Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
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