he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
