i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Randomize
