Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
