I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
