'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
