Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
