Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
