im gay
i know
yea but for you.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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