i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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