im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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