i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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