he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
