I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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