I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
