I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I need to stop coming to work sober
i used baking grease as lip gloss
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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