Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
