the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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