to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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