overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
