we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
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