your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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