So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
