im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
