Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
