Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
