Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Boobs are out for the taking
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
