My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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