you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
do herpes really smell.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
