In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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