I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
