i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
