I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
