Screwed.edu
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
