i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Can I color on your dick again?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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