Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
