I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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