True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
