sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Will you blow on my dice?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
