i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
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