Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
