I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
