NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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