i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
