Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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