Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
