I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
