So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I feel like death gave me a hand job
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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