Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
