i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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