GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
