She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
