All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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