what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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